Three Lies & Three Truths That Have Shaped My Life

The 3 Lies

People close to me know that I live my life believing three lies.

1.       Everyone will like me

2.       I will be excellent at everything

3.       I will win every time

These are, of course, lies.

Everyone Likes Me

This may come as a shock, but (Gasp!) there are people out there who do not like me! They clearly have questionable judgment, but life is cruel that way.

Also, the blood on my knees, elbows, and wrists was fairly convincing proof that I will never be excellent at skateboarding. Perhaps my 40’s were not the ideal decade to begin that journey.

Finally, anyone who has seen me on a tennis court, with my shoulders and head down, knows I do not win every time.

All lies.

And yet I walk into every situation believing them anyway.

Because believing them changes my outcomes dramatically. Everyone Will Like Me

I instinctively like everyone I meet. After all, they like me. So why would I not like them back? Oddly enough, this seems to result in more people actually liking me.

Being Excellent

I have never been truly qualified for anything new I have done in business. Being new is sort of the definition of not being qualified. But I learn things incredibly fast. (this is discussed in my 3 Truths below). And within a relatively short time, I have managed to become a nationally recognized and published expert in each new, cutting-edge corner of the legal industry I stepped into. Artificial intelligence. New business models. New structures. None of which I was “qualified” for when I began.

Winning

Recently, my lovely bride and I played a couple of friends at our country club. Fernando looks like a doctor from a novella and serves the ball faster than a Formula 1 car on a straightaway. He is unquestionably better than I am. Cynthia hits the ball harder than most men. When she fires one at me from close range, I briefly consider whether my will is up to date. She then smiles that model perfect smile of hers, and apologizes for nearly ending my existence. She is better than my wife. And if I am honest and set that fragile male ego aside, she is better than me too.

And yet we walked onto that court believing we could win. Truly believing it.

It was an absurd belief. Ridiculous. Yet somehow we won. Don’t try to convince me miracles don’t happen!

My beliefs, no matter how ludicrous, absolutely change my outcomes.

Three Truths

On the other hand, I also live by three truths.

1.       I am no better than anyone else

2.       I am here to help as many people in as many ways as I can

3.       I will always have much to learn and improve upon

I Am Not Better Than Anyone Else

I was a homeless teenager who survived by eating out of garbage cans. I escaped that prison, but I remember how hard it was and how lucky I was. It is therefore far from me to look down on others and think I am somehow better.

And yet, here is the irony.

I do look down on people. Especially people who believe they are better than others.

I also look down on cruelty. I look down on those who excuse or endorse the horrible cruelty exerted upon innocent men, women, and even little children, which has been normalized by Trump and ICE. How on earth can they excuse this? This isn't what America is supposed to be like! This is precisely why Truth number three matters so much to me. I still have a lot to learn. And a lot to improve.

I Am Here To Help

If not for the help of a stranger, a minister I nicknamed Slick and his family, I would have died on the streets that winter. I have lived my life trying to return that favor. People who know me know that Maria and I have had more than a few long term house guests over the years. Friends and acquaintances down on their luck who, like me once was, needed a hand up. We have made more loans than we can count that we knew would never be repaid.

Even on the tennis court, we help friends improve their serves or their net game, fully aware this may someday result in them beating us. That is the risk of generosity.

I Have Much to Learn

I have tremendous confidence. That part should be obvious given my belief that everyone will like me, I will be excellent, and I will win at everything. I have tremendous confidence but I also have tremendous humility.

Many people think those two things contradict each other. They do not. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is knowing you are no better than anyone else and understanding that you still have much to learn and improve upon.

At 63, I am constantly learning. Especially in business. Most people accumulate a few years of experience and then stop learning while continuing to work for decades. Their true experience ended when they decided they pretty much knew everything they needed to know. Successful people never stop learning.

This applies everywhere in my life.

I have learned tips from “Los Tres Juanes de la Cancha” (For my gringo friends, The  “Three Juans” were generals and heroes of Mexican History). Beto, Jorge, and Hector could all play D1 college tennis and hold their own. However, unlike the best players at clubs in the US, they all constantly and graciously help others improve their games. I listen to them. I learn from them. As a result, my tennis game is better now than it was in my 50’s or  even 40’s.

I set a goal to gain ten pounds of lean muscle this year. By learning from a weight training program and diet designed by ChatGPT, I have gained seven pounds in fourteen days. Yes, I will be adjusting my goal!

I Have Room For Improvement!

On the other hand, I can lose two hours on TikTok without blinking. Search for Happy Dogs and you will find dancing puppies, dogs sliding down snowy hills, and enough dopamine fueled nonsense to leave your cheeks sore from smiling.

There may be room for improvement there.

The same goes for video games. I have always loved them. Once virtual reality arrived, slaying dragons became a moral obligation. After all, entire villages now depend on me! And as a warlord tasked with uniting Japan as its Shogun, I cannot simply abandon my obligations! What would the villagers think?!?

Hours disappear weekly that could arguably be spent on something more productive.

Still, these habits pale in comparison to the abuses of my past. Fortunately, I have elevated my vices beyond those, that so many of us got lost in, in the 70's and 80's.

The truth remains. I have work to do.

So when it comes to other people’s addictions, mistakes, or bad habits, it is not my job to judge. It is my job to remember Truth number 2: I am here to help.

Try My Lies!

Walk into every situation believing everyone will like you, you will be excellent, and you will win. Watch what changes.

Try My Truths!

Try not to not look down on others. Help where you can. Commit to learning and improving yourself.

Watch the meaning it brings to your life. Watch the difference it makes in the lives around you.

I promise you, it will be significant.